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Saturday, July 18, 2015

Working Mom vs. Stay at Home Mom

Working me vs. stay at home me :)

There has been a long time  battle between working moms and stay at home moms for years.
I have been fortunate to be both and this is my personal experience during both.

FIRST CHILD...
When my oldest daughter D was born, I was back to work within five weeks. FIVE WEEKS. I mean, I barely had time to spend with her because I also continued going to school full time. It was a disaster, honestly. My grades dropped significantly because I was focused on my job as well as trying to be around my child. We both suffered and our relationship as Mother-Daughter was strained. I missed a lot of first things (first turn-over, first crawl, first stand up, first steps) while being at work. She was with my family and when they would tell me about things she did, I felt that sharp stinging feeling of hurt that I wasn't able to experience it. However I felt I needed to work and contribute to the bills as well as the nearly $600 car note I needed to pay monthly. I have to admit, while at work and achieving certain goals I was satisfied. I'm a very work-orientated person, very task driven, and productive in that sense. In my personal life...it's the total opposite.

FAST FORWARD TWO + YEARS...
When I was pregnant with A, my partner and I decided maybe I should stay home for at least six months. Shortly after she was born, my job called and I needed to go back - the paperwork wasn't done properly and I needed to be back before I lost my job altogether. So again at about five weeks postpartum I was off to work, this time for less hours. It was terrible again. It was hard leaving my daughters for such a long time and again I was in school. About a little over a month later, my partner and I just decided it was time to suck it up, readjust our lives and I quit my job. It was just time to leave there and it was time to be around the kids. I immediately felt I wasn't contributing to the household and it took a very different path for me. It was really hard on us too because we lost an entire income by doing so. I was sad about not being able to do things that I wasn't looking at the bigger picture. Being around D and A, I was able to see everything first hand. No one needed to tell me when my kids were doing different things because I already knew about it. D is a lot harder to get through to sometimes and I definitely feel like it was my lack of presence that caused her to be this way but A is attached and aware of her parents. Even at 9 1/2 months she is very in tuned with knowing what she can and cannot do (in terms of what will get her into trouble lol) and that's really rewarding to me. I never wanted to raise spoiled kids. I want to raise grateful kids.

ALMOST A YEAR AFTER MY SECOND CHILD...
I've been home for nearly a year now. I get a lot of crap for it, believe me but it's a decision my partner and I made together. It's rough from time to time, I mean we live in NYC - it's crazy out here sometimes. I do know she feels a certain pride that she is able to have her partner at home and know that her kids are safe and sound at home. I still go to school full time and let me tell you, my grades have been way better than when I was trying to do it all. I commend the moms trying to do it all. It's hard and most certainly rewarding in the end.

I am a big believer of WOMEN supporting OTHER WOMEN. I stand really strong behind that belief because I've seen how women tear each other down. I think a lot of other mothers take my kindness for some fake, alter motive act. I REALLY believe in being kind to other moms and women regardless of having children or not. I enjoy watching people succeed and seeing my old classmates, friends, and family set goals and accomplish them. I definitely feel that both WMs and SAHMs make tons of sacrifices daily for their children and families, they should both be commended for all their efforts.

As for the Working Dads and SAH-Dads, I commend you guys too!

♥ Christina

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